Oh everything has gone to shit today. Well it started Tuesday, got worse yesterday and today after no sleep and hardly any weed I just wanna sit and cry.....
....That's how today started out for me.Which is totally out of proportion! I guess that's pretty normal for a come down wiv no sleep and hardly a spliff to me name. I tell you if it wasn't for sleekits diazis I dunno were I'd be!Thankfully 12 hours later things are much better and I feel much better then I felt this am.
The stress started when My weed pick up was canceled Tuesday. Luckily I'd had a premonition that it wasn't gonna happen and not taken any whizz. Sez text and said not till Thurs and with two jam packed days ahead I wouldn't last.
I insisted the help of st jimmy, who,also waiting on this score had run out him self.All he could get were 2 each of the smallest 10bags I've seem in my life.Day light robbery!
later that eve sez text again and says "I can do it tomorrow now". I'm pissed coz I just wasted 20£ I don't have so I don't text back to the next am. MISTAKE!
The next day, Wednesday, I take whizz because I have sleekit and kids over and then we meet glee and another lost soul and go to a fun day at the park.
Crazy day with 5 manic kids-boy do I need I smoke when I get home! Kids reck the house, I cook tea,sleekit minds the baby.
When 7pm arrives and no word from sez.I'm fast running out of weed, beginning to come down and then I find out my Internet was out of service for the night.Looking ahead I see a bad, long, boring comedown but I'm saved by sleekit who, for reasons of her own didn't want to spend the evening alone and invites us back to hers.
I decide I'd be better of if I took the boy with me and we stayed with her.4 kids and two adults in one bed flat- sounds cramped but we fit nicely.The girls bunk together and the boy has the lower bunk.Babe in his cot and sleekit and I in the bed.
crashes around 1am.I try and fail to sleep despite the opiates and benzos running through my veins and the fact I was lying in bed for 6 hours.I was hoping if all else failed I would sleep out of boredom.
I have a hypo soon after getting up and that doesn't help how I feel. Afternoon comes and I've still not heard from sez. At this point I'm so fucking anxious about the weed I'm throwing up.
Finally I get a text- it's on-2 hours . The relief is enough to bring me to tears.The day turns around magically.even b4 I have the weed I notice the sharp contrast in how I feel.just to know it's OK- I will have some, I can function.I pick up my day from then on and accomplish tasks that seemed impossible b4.
I am under no illusions when it comes to my relationship wiv weed, or any other drug come to that.I know I'm addicted.I know that although I don't need it to function-I need it to have the will to function,soften the sharp edges of life. But for some reason the extent of my dependency really hit me after the last few days and it saddens me deeply.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
