Wednesday, 6 July 2011

I knew this would happen....for over a year I beg hubby to go back to work. He finally does and I can't hack it I don't know what's wrong with me!
I was doing so well and had lost 8+ but sinces Monday it's been get up take boy to school binge, purge, laydown, pick boy up binge, purge, nap binge sleep. Seriously it's all I've done for three days.
What's wrong with me? I wanted hubby to go back to work. I promised him and myself I would sort the house out, start cooking, do things wives are suppost to do instead of being a duvet that smokes and eats!
But the last 3 days I've had no rng at all and the thought of facing the days seems to much-so I start to binge.part of the problem is that there is not one thing in my life I like doing or find pleasurable.nothing

Sunday, 26 June 2011

WHOO HOO!

                                                     

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Ana's voice in my head

turned a corner

so this week had not been going well i wasn't  b/p but i wasn't 100% restricting either.
but it took a turn for the better Friday.I had stayed in bed the whole day as i was out of weed and i knew the only way to not binge was not to eat. So when i pick up my weed and have a beer(225 Cal's) wiv S.t Jimmy he tells me he has got hold of a small amount of whizz for me! id been asking for ages.i soo needed a lift!
 i go home  and eat some soup and weight watchers bread bring my total for that day to 625. respectable enough i think.
Of course today i bombed some whizz so Ive eaten nothing- Having a glass of milk now with my b4 bed smoke.
hopefully i sleep-i borrowed a couple  of my mates lorazipam tonight. Im bloody glad to have it tho as so much is coming up and i have no idea were to start.................................



Monday, 20 June 2011

steps in the right direction

So i started the week as i mean to go on. I bypassed the sandwich shop over the road and headed to the gym for two hours.I'm hoping to repeat this process everyday.I weighed this morning and as consequence for being and idiot an reacting to no loss the other week id gain 1.6 lbs. As punishment I'm not allowing myself to weigh for 2 weeks.Ive removed the scales from the bathroom and will be counting the days!!!!


some one on a forum i visit suggested i didn't loose any weight coz my body went into starvation mode and i should up calories to 1500.Ive been thinking about it and i don't buy it.I'm cutting calories to a straight 1000,  1200 on Sundays if I'm good all week.I WILL go to the gym 5x a week!!!!




I'm desperately trying to changer my habits- from big like going to the gym daily to small like making my binge buster jelly desert every morning so there is always one in the fridge
I'm trying to remember what my days looked like when i was 95lbs.Not just what i ate and how much i  exercised but what i filled my days with, how i debt with things. I think one of the reasons Ive been failing so miserably is my fear of connecting wiv my anorexia again as it didn't end up in a good place  last time. i want the middle bit-where i was thin and not sick-i know it will lead there eventually- but id rather be there then here.




Sunday, 19 June 2011

Found These Fantastic Exercise Tips.....

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week. Along those lines…

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. As the day wears on, you’ll find more excuses to skip exercising. Get it checked off your list, first thing.

3. Never skip exercising two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise, no matter how inconvenient.

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. My father always said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. Many times, by promising myself I could quit ten minutes after I’d started, I got myself to start—and then found that I didn’t want to quit, after all.

5. Think about context. I thought I disliked weight training, but in fact, I dislike the guys who hang out in the weight-training area. Are you distressed about the grubby showers in your gym? Do you try to run in the mornings, but recoil from going out in the cold? Examine the factors that might be discouraging you from exercising.

6. Exercise several times a week. If your idea of exercise is to join games of pick-up basketball, you should be playing practically every day. Twice a month isn’t enough.

7. If you don’t have time to both exercise and take a shower, find a way to exercise that doesn’t require you to shower afterward. Twice a week, I have a very challenging weight-training session, but the format I follow doesn’t make me sweat. (Some of you are saying, “It can’t be challenging if you don’t sweat!” Oh yes, believe me, it is.)


8. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer or more convenient gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer to keep track of your walking distances? Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.


9. Think of exercise as part of your essential preparation for times you want to be in especially fine form—whether in performance (to be sharp for an important presentation) or appearance (to look good for a wedding) or mood (to deal with a stressful situation). Studies show that exercise does help.


10. Remember one of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood, courtesy of Voltaire: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Don’t decide it’s only worth exercising if you can run five miles or if you can bike for an hour. I have a friend who scorns exercise unless she’s training for a marathon—so she never exercises. Even going for a ten-minute walk is worthwhile. Do what you can.


11. Don’t kid yourself. Belonging to a gym doesn’t mean you go to the gym. Having been in shape in high school or college doesn’t mean you’re in shape now. Saying that you don’t have time to exercise doesn’t make it true.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

update....

So on Tuesday after over  a week of being good,not eating over 1200, in fact closer to 1000 Cal's a day and exercising and i lost: precisely nothing!!!


This has typically resulted in a week of depression,B/P behaviour,hiding in bed-All extremely counter productive.


I plan to start yet again on Monday( marks cooking chili for our anniversary on sun) and this time maybe i wont let my self weigh for two weeks for surely if id kept going id be closer to my goal then i am now.
I'm also gonna cut the Cal's i eat to a flat 1000- 1200 on a Sunday.
My plan to stop binging is to keep busy which worked well the other week....im such a dumb ass...ive prob gained another 5lbs this week!