Adult truths

*** Adult Truths ***




 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. ...


 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger


. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. ( INDEED!)


 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 


6. . Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.(INDEED!)


 10. Bad decisions make good stories.  (MY LIFE WOULD BE A BEST SELLER THEN)


 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a momen when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.   ( SRUB DAY,TRY WEEK!)


 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 


13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.


 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.(INDEED!)


 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 


 16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. (WHAT TO SAY...SIGH!)


 18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?  (3)


19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!


 20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (LMAO!)


 21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time


. 22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important

It's so fucking on!

I've not written in forever I know!
Partly from extreme busyness and partly because I'm am still loosing and gaining the same 5 lbs.

Here is the deal tho: on nov 45&6th I have to see my family and so it's major major motivation to loose. Also the week b4 I am supposed to be going away with a friend for a few days spa. So my plan is hit it hard for the next few weeks till spa days then I can relax and a still have a week to loose what ever a gain from spa days.
I am aiming for a 10-12 lb loss that would put me at 140. That was my old h.w and I can't believe consider it a success.

I can promise this tho-unless I'm pregnant I will never let it see 140 again!

Yesterday cals were 290 and today 370-400 so hopefully can make this week a under 500 week and then I will have to fucking lose!

Loads more to say but have to be up for college in less then seven hours-groan!!!


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September so far

WRITTEN 8/9/11

So it's lunch time and I only have afternoon classed then I'm done for the week! I'm pretty confident that it's not gonna be that hard going,for the first year anyway.
The only fly in the ointment is that childcare is still not sorted but I'm sure I will find someone that pics up from the boys school eventually.

Weight wise things are not good.I can no longer loose anything unless I'm eating under 800 calories a day which frankly ain't happening.last 3 days I have been over my target for this week of 1000 max a day by 2-300 cals and I'm gaining on that amount also.
I knew this week I would have a hard enough time adjusting to the routine but I gotta get it together dude!


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PLAN FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS!

SEPTEMBER

WEEK 1   5-11TH: 1000 CALS MAX

WEEK 2   12-18TH 500 CALS MAX

WEEK 3   18-25TH 800 CALS MAX

WEEK 4   26-2ND 800 CALS MAX

OCTOBER

WEEK 1   3-9TH  500 MAX

WEEK 2   10-16 TH 800 MAX

WEEK 3   11-23RD 500 MAX

WEEK 4   24-30TH 1000 MAX

NOVEMBER

WEEK 1   31-6 500 MAX

WEEK 2   7-13TH 800 MAX

WEEK 3  14-20TH 500 MAX

WEEK 4   21-27TH 500 MAX

IF I ACTUALLY STUCK TO THIS AND SAY I LOST 2LBS PER1000 WEEK 3LBS PER 800 WEEK AND 4 LBS PER 500 A WEEK ID LOOSE.....39 LBS...2 GOOD TO BE TRUE?
-

Been away for a while....

Not updated for ever I know. It's mostly because my weight has stayed the same for the last few weeks.
I've been eating what would be considered healthy calories by some one with out an e.d - around 1500-2000 most days.
But obviously I'm not losing anymore, even tho I'm functioning and active, With occaional help from whizz and coupious amounts of weed.

I was all ready for back to school and then today my childminder texts and says she can't do the hours any more so now I got 2 days to find some one else

Thankfully was able to score both products so I have everything I NEED to get thro the next week.

I'm hitting it hard from Monday, tho I expect the first week to feel completely overwhelming so it might in reality be week 2 b4 I'm back in the game.

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How has this happened?

So I got on the scale this am, thinking I'd gained a pound or two max from the day b4.
5.8 LBS GAINED OVER NIGHT!!! WTF???????
I ate some of marks Chinese and a pint of milk but really that's not.......Over 18,000 calories for fuck sake!


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Weekend

Next to no weed so I've slept most of the weekend, ESP today.
Dispite a hypo which made cals go way over 1200 limit on sat I've only gained 0.4 of lb- and am now 154.0
If I had weed I'd be on strict under 500 a day for next two weeks, if I had weed I would be doing alot of things.......



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CALORIE INTAKE * 30/7/11-19/7/11

So this is the past 3 weeks calorie intake- i mean to do it weekly but forget.

Sun 31: 635


Mon 1=1286
Tue 2=824
Wed 3=172
Thu 4=590
Fri 5=989
Sat 6=1399
Sun 7=935



Mon  8=802
Tue 9= 1707                                                                                
Wed 10=318
Thu 11=400
Fri 12=395
Sat 13= not recorded so assume 1500+
Sun14=not recorded so assume 1500+



Mon 15=1201
Tue 16=1201
Wed 17=935
Thu 18=710
Fri 19th Today

Over all its not that bad-i dunno how much ive lost in that time-not much! In total ive lost 19lbs-I think in around 8 weeks(that wud avarage at 2.3lb a week)

stupid drugs...or lack off

So this week was supposed to be a week free of whizz-but i got to Thursday and faced  with group therapy i lost my bottle- maybe next week i will have better luck.Actually it may be in forced as my weed guy has none for 2 WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS!!! I'm  desperately seeking other avenues but nothing hope full.

Thing is these two weeks gonna be hard anyway. Benefit change overt,find childcare,prepare for college, loose some more lbs-I'm trying not to freak out! Because lets face it that wont help or change anything.Also i could get by on 10 bags I'm sure but just that get by. Glee says i need to be satisfied if i manage that but I'm not.I don't think i ever will be,i don't think i ever wanna be........

 

3 dayz off.....

Done nothing for 72 hours but sleeping,eating,smoking and reading.
Only gained 1.8 lbs and I'm surprised! coz this is the first time Ive ever been loosing weight and been fat (135lbs+) my body's slower to regain after a.... well, not a binge weekend... but a weekend off restriction i guess.......




                                                            so now 155.8!

17 days till college starts. How much can i loose? Depends on how far i push it i guess- defiantly 149 or below that's totally achievable-maybe 145 if i really push it.

Gay Pride 2011

                                                                             


Was up at 10:30 and was presently surprised when Glee called to say she was feelin much better and was on for Gay- pride.


Sleekits mum had done her usual trick and cried off babysitting not long after.Luckily she had a mate in Brighton who was willing to have him.


Wiv all the changed plans,new arrangements to sort out and total lack of preparation we didn't get to the station till 2:30 and didn't get into Preston park itself till about half 3.

                                                                      
We had so much fun.It was my best day this year and I'm gonna be hard pressed to best it!


We successfully smuggled our contraband booze in and after a drink, spliff and a line we set about exploring.
I immediately bought a cool green and silver fairy set.Wings, mini skirt, wand and head band.They are so wkd!!! I'd wanted one last year but they were well expensive.I got my set mega bargain £4 coz I got chatting to the queen running the stall and talked him down.

After s jug of pimms we trawled the stalls. None of us had much money especially as the ticket prices on the day were £5 more on the door. But still we all got at least 1or 2 items courtesy of a 5 finger discount.
Does that make us bad ppl? I hope not. I know it's not right to steal but does it make us bad ppl? We didn't feel bad at the time.we felt on top of the world.
                                                                           
More lines,more drinks,more spliffs.The others got chips and we watched Alexandra Burke on the main stage.

                                                                          
 sleekit and I checked out all the sex toy stalls much to the amusement and embarrassment of Glee and her friend.Our last stop was the scary rides but we only had time to do one.Best part of the day! No words to describe how cool it felt. I've decided I must go to Alton towers because I want more of that feeling!


After a rowdy bus ride to the beach we found a bar but then poor sleekits baby sitter rang and said babe had been crying all day.Sleekit decided to go and settle him And try make it back after.Sadly that wasn't possible in the end.There was a little unpleasantness when Glee's friend, who is one for the histrionics tried to male us go into a pumping club coz a guy shed just started seeing was in there and we didn't wanna go. We arranged to meet her at the taxi point at 2;30 in the end.

                                                                            
The rest of the night was great, drinking, smoking, laughing and putting the world to right.in and out of little beach bars and finally to a 24 hour restaurant for the best nachos I've ever eaten!


B4 we got our taxi we had to go find Glee's mate who had rang hysterical just repeating " help me , come and get me" but not saying were she was or what was wrong.Finding her was a bit of a fuckin mission but we found her in the end, dragging her sobbing from the club.Turns out she had tried her histrionics on him and he'd told her were to go in the end.But we had such a good eve b4 that we were more Patient and got her home.


I left Glee's at 5:30 am and although I know I should of gone to bed then I made the fatal mistake of having a cuppa and a spliff in front of the TV and I haven't moved since-it's now 11am.


I really must try sleep....one more spliff...I mean it just one more and then fucking crash dude!

                                                                               






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Frazzled Friday!

                                                                          


Friday morning I weighed and I've reached 154lbs, which brings my total loss to 18lbs in 6 weeks.


I can't believe I'm happy to be 154, well I'm not happy to be a massive fat 154lb whale, but I'm happier then when I was a 172lb whale!

                                                                
I've got 2 weeks b4 college starts. I wonder how much more I can loose b4 then? I think I'm gonna aim for 5lbs because it's realistic and it will take me back into the 140's.God I've still got so far to go!

                                                                   
Spent rest of Friday runnin about like a headless chicken trying to finish official jobs so I could enjoy my weekend.


Had my appointment wiv my C.P.N
and learnt that she is away for the next month which always makes me feel uneasy because I feel like I have no one if some crisis occurs. Popped into st jimmys after as he lived round corner and I needed to smoke and chill after Anna.


Glee was feeling really ill so I spent some time helping her and gave her some of my strong anti-emetics to see if they wud help.When I left I was almost sure there was no way she would be well enough to go to Gay-pride the next day and if she wasn't going her mate said she'd cry off too. If that happened sleekit and I couldn't go as we could only afford the taxi when we were splitting it.


So I left Glee's with a heavy heart which was made worse by my plans for Friday night galling apart also. Sleekit was supposed to stay here with the baby.She was gonna have a bath here as she only has a shower and then I was gonna do the baby's might feeds so she could have night off.She rang me in a state, asking could I come to hers instead-babe had cried all day and she was fit to drop.


So I ended up staying at hers the night and eating for the first time in 3 days as I knew I needed the NRG 4 the next day. Managed some sleep around 2am and babe only woke once for a feed.


In short it left me totally unprepared for Gay-pride and believing we probably weren't going .........

                                                                     

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Panic stations

                                                                         


Oh everything has gone to shit today. Well it started Tuesday, got worse yesterday and today after no sleep and hardly any weed I just wanna sit and cry.....


....That's how today started out for me.Which is totally out of proportion! I guess that's pretty normal for a come down wiv no sleep and hardly a spliff to me name. I tell you if it wasn't for sleekits diazis I dunno were I'd be!Thankfully 12 hours later things are much better and I feel much better then I felt this am.

                                                                              
The stress started when My weed pick up was canceled Tuesday. Luckily I'd had a premonition that it wasn't gonna happen and not taken any whizz. Sez text and said not till Thurs and with two jam packed days ahead I wouldn't last.
I insisted the help of st jimmy, who,also waiting on this score had run out him self.All he could get were 2 each of the smallest 10bags I've seem in my life.Day light robbery!
later that eve sez text again and says "I can do it tomorrow now". I'm pissed coz I just wasted 20£ I don't have so I don't text back to the next am. MISTAKE!


The next day, Wednesday, I take whizz because I have sleekit and kids over and then we meet glee and another lost soul and go to a fun day at the park.
Crazy day with 5 manic kids-boy do I need I smoke when I get home! Kids reck the house, I cook tea,sleekit minds the baby.


When 7pm arrives and no word from sez.I'm fast running out of weed, beginning to come down and then I find out my Internet was out of service for the night.Looking ahead I see a bad, long, boring comedown but I'm saved by sleekit who, for reasons of her own didn't want to spend the evening alone and invites us back to hers.
I decide I'd be better of if I took the boy with me and we stayed with her.4 kids and two adults in one bed flat- sounds cramped but we fit nicely.The girls bunk together and the boy has the lower bunk.Babe in his cot and sleekit and I in the bed.
crashes around 1am.I try and fail to sleep despite the opiates and benzos running through my veins and the fact I was lying in bed for 6 hours.I was hoping if all else failed I would sleep out of boredom.

 It was not to be! The kids get up at 7 dragging us with them.I feel like death warmed up and am made uncomfortable by how little patience I have with the kids.
I have a hypo soon after getting up and that doesn't help how I feel. Afternoon comes and I've still not heard from sez. At this point I'm so fucking anxious about the weed I'm throwing up.
Finally I get a text- it's on-2 hours . The relief is enough to bring me to tears.The day turns around magically.even b4 I have the weed I notice the sharp contrast in how I feel.just to know it's OK- I will have some, I can function.I pick up my day from then on and accomplish tasks that seemed impossible b4.

                                                                            
I am under no illusions when it comes to my relationship wiv weed, or any other drug come to that.I know I'm addicted.I know that although I don't need it to function-I need it to have the will to function,soften the sharp edges of life. But for some reason the extent of my dependency really hit me after the last few days and it saddens me deeply.

                                                                  




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Slacking.....

I cant believe ive not written since Wednesday! was pretty active Thursday wiv  therapy and helping glee in the afternoon. Friday and Saturday i had earmarked as days off-needed a beak from the whizz and also was taking advantage of hubby being about over weekend.I got more whizz today and have had a little. In an ideal world i would now do the house work so that i start the week with a clean slate-but im not very positive about my chances of  following through with this plan!

                                                                       


Diet wise- ive lost another lb bringing the total loss so far to 15lbs and i know its bettert then nothing but id hoped for double that-ive been slacking big time!

Dear 3am........

This says it all really! Last night got to sleep around 6 am and so got 4 1/2 hours. If i hadn't made my self literally forced myself to go to bed i would of got none! And so tonight i must show some self control  and not be on here to long so i can get a couple of hours tonight too. I must not an hour and a half after diazi try to eat and then sit up waiting stuff waiting to feel sleepy.It don't happen-~I gotta make my self go Lay down and see if my body's tiredness will win against my brain.

So today i went to local fate with sleekit and all the kids.Knackering day because they all come back to mine and had a good time painting and messing up the place.

Have group therapy tomorrow which I'm not overjoyed about.I've also got a few things on my mind but not gonna talk about them now or i will wind my self up and never sleep.

So yeah off to take meds, shower, maybe eat some thing (its been 24 hours since i last ate) and watch ONE episode of Earth Final Conflict and then try sleep.If i get to bed by 3;30am i will have 5 hours

Or thats the plan anyway.................

                                                                 

Quick Update

                                                                         




So i spent the weekend at Glee's,doing her garden and helping out.
 Monday i woke up and thought i need a day off so i just read and slept and watched TV.
 Today i was up around 11 and even tho is a bomb day i didn't get much done as i had to sort me and st Jimmy's weed and that took most the afternoon! I had a few hours left to do paper work and sort my debt repayments.That done i went to Sleekit's, even tho i am seeing her tomorrow- i just fancied some company. Now I'm home, its midnight and Ive taken 10mg Diazipam hoping i will be able to get some sleep before tomorrow.!

                                                               

Definition of Diabulimia

''Diabulimia (Diabulimia is not a medical term but certainly used) is a combination of diabetes and bulimia. It is often seen in teenage girls with type 1 diabetes where insulin is omitted and food purged. Insulin is a growth hormone and weight gain can occur with really good control. This weight gain can be managed but teenagers become fearful and irrational about taking insulin. Their fear of weight gain from insulin is much like the fear of food and weight gain experienced by anorexics The combination of bulimia and diabetes is a dangerous and unfortunately for young people complications of diabetes arise a lot earlier due to damage caused from really high glucose levels. People are also at high risk of ketoacidosis and hypoglycemic episodes and coma.

People suffering with type 1 diabetes and anorexia have the double whammy of being fearful of both insulin and food. Starving the body of food and insulin is a very dangerous combination and a really difficult condition to get on top of. Weight losses are significant with the omission of insulin and the risk of ketoacidosis and coma is very high. The long term complications of malnutrition from not eating are worsened by the omission of insulin leading to the early onset of diabetic complications.''


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2957009


I also found this:

Women with type 1 diabetes are more than twice as likely to develop an eating disorder than age-matched women without diabetes.

Eating disorders in type 1 diabetes such as "diabulimia," as it is known in the popular press, represent some of the most complex patient problems—both medically and psychologically.

Women with eating disorders and diabetes typically struggle with symptoms similar to those of women with eating disorders who do not have diabetes.  However, they exhibit a very dangerous symptom of calorie purging in the form of insulin restriction.

This condition is characterized by weight and body image concerns that lead to the mismanagement of diabetes. 

Recognize eating disorders in diabetes

Warning signs may include:

• unexplained elevations in A1C values
• repeated problems with diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), which can be fatal
• extreme concerns about weight and body shape
• change in eating patterns
• unusual patterns of intense exercise (sometimes associated with frequent hypoglycemia)
• amenorrhea (skipping monthly menstrual periods)

Understand the medical risks associated with eating disorders and diabetes

• higher A1C levels
• higher risk of developing infections
• more frequent episodes of DKA
• more frequent hospital and emergency room visits 
• higher rates and earlier onset of diabetes complications - nerve damage, eye disease, kidney disease and possible heart disease

The cycle of "diabulimia"

The cycle of negative feelings about body image, shape, and weight; chronically elevated blood glucose levels; depression, anxiety, and shame; and poor diabetes self-care and insulin restriction is difficult to treat:

Article Sorce:CLICK HERE

Calorie intake -18/7/11-30/7/11

Last Week:

Mon 18= 911                                                                  
Tue 19= 1800
Wed 20= 1240
Thu 21= 979
Fri 22= 1150
Sat 23= 1200
Sun 24= 1200

-This is shit i know.At least its not binging tho!

Mon 25=1200                                                                                                                                                                   
Tue 26= 1200
Wed 27= 931
Thu 28= 804 (466= alcohol)
Fri 29= 226(all alcohol)


-Not terrible but not gr8




Im really gonna go for it in Aug and loose as much as i can before college starts....but thats for another post which i may have to write in the morning...............

21 things i want in a lover lyrics........

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
that it alone does not equate to wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion
but enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine, politically aware, and don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
toving someone can actually feel like freedom? Are you funny and self-deprecating, like adventure, and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry; I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cause I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed, more than three times a week, up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover 


Watch the you tube vid

blah

Well either ive not had long enough break or this whizz is shit and has given me little else but a thumping head ache ahhhhh.
i am...i dunno where i am wiv things.Weight wize 159 which altho still hidious is better then i was by 13 llb
and im not gaining altho eaten badly.Which shows a 2 week of hardcore restriction and i could be back under 150- i just need the motivation to do it!
Done nothing for the past 5 days but feel ill,smoke weed, read,audiobook,sleep,eat  and pick my poor sore scalp.